Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Chemistry.com Part 20: 32 Flavors and then some

Is one of those flavors triple chocolate fudge brownie mousse extravaganza? If so, I'd like a date with you, sir. If not, ew.

This Altadena resident says, "Being weird is hard..."

It's actually fairly easy to be weird. I think you're confusing "weird" with "creepy stalker." Just look at that photo! You'd give Norman Bates a run for his money.

"Looking for someone who is passionate and committed and maybe a little bit dirty (secretly dirty or overtly dirty - doesn't matter.)"

He must fall under the "Lot-a-bit dirty" category, and surely, he's overt about it. I would like to know his definition of "dirty" because I doubt it would coincide with mine. On second thought, I'll just run away.

The next profile starts with, "Is it me, or is this place comedy?"

You said it! This guy is my new best friend. He gets it.

"Ok this is like my 9 millionth attempt at this..."

You have more patience than I do. I have already "checked out." I am definitely not the online dating kind of girl, and I'm okay with that.

"I am a man. I have all my limbs. I am fond of using toothpaste..."

This guy is funny.

"If you don't like to laugh...then we're probably going to fight and then I'll have to get on craigslist and say horrible things about you in multiple cities..."

This guy is really funny.

"I drive fast, eat rare steaks, argue with cops and gamble with parking meters."

I drive defensively, eat medium rare steaks, comply with cops and feed meters quarters like candy.

"I think people who drive manual transmissions are better lovers."

I learned on a stick when I was 15.

"Dogs should weigh more than a PC."

And cats should weigh far less.

"No photo = no dice."

Bingo! You're speaking my language, G-Money. I want to be friends with this guy.

I don't, however, want to be friends with the next guy: "Okay, I'm a total bumb."

Bumb? Like bumb on a log? or like bumble bee without "le bee." You're a bum. There's no extra b, buddy.

"I stay at home and watch tv all day."

How boring.

"My parents support me..."

Lucky you.

"I play darts with my pants around my ankles."

*Raises hand.* Excuse me? Mister? Um, how does that help your aim? Also, you might want to make sure you don't release the dart as your arm is coming back down. That could hurt. Just a tip.

Next up: another techie. Mr. Mac Support says, "If you are constantly looking up, you're probably missing something right at your feet."

My shoes? Gravel? What? Never mind.

So, here's a product designer who also doesn't like drama.

Because really, who does?

If there's drama, "games end and with only 2 players there's a 50% chance looser will be you."

Looser than what? I'm just full of questions today. It's spelled LOSER. Like that. See?

Always here to help,

The Grammar Nazi

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