Monday, May 18, 2015

YES GIRL Rejected Copy

As I get closer to the end of the editing process of my essay collection, Yes Girl, I have nearly 13,000 words that I’ve saved in a separate document that I cut from the collection that I don’t want to delete for good.

Maybe I can use them later, I kid myself. I can always put the words back in, I often think.

I’m coming to terms with the 45 pages of cut material being forever consigned to the virtual trash. But, I thought some of the sentences would make for a fun, random sampling of soundbites.

So, here goes.

Below is a list of sentences that were once in my manuscript, but no longer are:

1. He was an underhanded kid who would surreptitiously open his presents before Christmas, play the new video games until he beat them, rewrap them, and then return them after the 25th to buy newer video games.

2. Like 9½ Weeks, the whole world was our giant fridge of cut fruit.

3. How naïve I was. Of course he kissed her. They’d probably been fucking before we broke up.

4. “So what do you think of her?” he asked as they were leaving.
Does it matter what I think? I thought. I don’t care.
“She’s great,” I said.

5. He once trick-or-treated at Tom Cruise’s estate. Tom was wearing a dragon costume, his face covered with dark mesh when he answered the door.
“Hi, Tom,” he said.
“Shhhh,” Tom said, holding his index finger up to his lips, smiling.

6. I sobbed silently on a bottom bunk at a youth hostel in San Rafael, while a large, strange woman snored like a bear next to me. I watched the sun come up through the window.
Nothing will ever be okay, I thought.

7. Don’t fuck her up like you did me, I thought.

8. Early on, I promised myself I wouldn’t say “I love you” first. He said it in bed one night before I did. I was giddy. I think we were both drunk.

9. Is he allergic to the hoppy beer he had last night or moving in with me? I thought.

10. It was the logical next step: house, check; dog, check; wedding, check.

11. He’d even asked my opinion about bikes in a motorcycle shop once. I tried on a helmet and made him pull it off because I was immediately claustrophobic.

12. Your words are meaningless. Just don’t puke in my car.

13. If you have the opportunity to plan a wedding, don’t. Elope. You’re welcome.

14. This time we didn’t kiss. People would have noticed.

15. I left him my mattress and most of the furniture. I left the four-wheeler in the garage. I gave back the diamond ring. I cut my losses.

16. Yuck, why did he get his ears pierced?

17. I skated out of her evil hell hole unscathed. It was a toxic environment, and I was elated to leave.

18. I’m curious to know if the Georgia state government has heard of modern-day technology.

19. I do believe we reconnected on facebook. Stupid facebook.

20. I should get a medal for all the nights I rested my palm on the backs of boys puking up Coors Light in a feeble attempt to comfort them.

21. They looked at me on the first day and said, “You’re our teacher?” I could see in their eyes the rest: “We’re going to fuck with you!”

22. That day, he wrote “fuck you Miss Drysdale” in permanent black marker on the metal leg of a plastic chair.

23. “Your boyfriend looks like a Cholo,” one girl whispered.
“He’s 100% German,” I said.

24. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?” I asked.
“Don’t worry. She won’t be there.”

25. She didn’t say much about my confession because there’s nothing to say.

Stay tuned for the material that makes the cut.


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